At the age of 21, I found myself trapped inside a very toxic relationship. It felt like something I couldn’t escape, no matter how unhealthy I knew it was for me, I kept going back. I felt trapped, I wasn’t myself and my friends and family all knew it. Somehow, I just couldn’t find the strength to leave.
By some whim of fate, an old friend reached out to me during the time. He could tell I was going through something, and he introduced me to a philosopher named Alan Watts.
He told me Alan Watts and his books had helped him through a time of depression. When I was first introduced to the concepts of his philosophy, it felt like too much to wrap my head around. Alan Watts preached values of Buddhist and Taoist religion, and I was raised in a Roman Catholic family. But I had always promised myself to never close my mind off to new ideas, just because another religion isn’t your own, who’s to say whose wrong or right?
When I opened my mind to hear them, the things Alan Watts had to say changed my entire perspective on life, and how I was living my own. It had such an impact on me that I was finally able to leave everything that wasn’t healthy for me anymore, including my toxic relationship. Watts preaches a mindset that is free from attachment to certain things that you believe make you happy, explaining that when you associate certain things with happiness, you inevitably cause yourself suffering.
It doesn’t mean you can’t love or appreciate those things for all that that they are, it means that you should instead try to them appreciate without the fear that if you lose them, you will be unhappy. The truth we all need to address is that us and ourselves alone are the only people responsible for our happiness. I held on to a quote during this time that still remains one of my favorites to this day.
“If you love a flower, don’t pick it up, because if you pick it up it dies, and ceases to become what you love. Love is not about possession, love is about appreciation.”
-Osho
When we try to hold on too hard to things that don’t belong to us, we push them away and drain them, often to the point where they leave us and our worst fears come true. When we want things too badly, we get so fixated on them that we neglect the only precious time on we have on this earth obsessing over them and neglecting the moments we have along the way by not being present. Permanence does not exist in an ever-changing world, and the demand for it will only bring you suffering.
The ideals Alan Watts shares are something I try to pass on to everyone I meet. When I see my friends worrying about whether or not their boyfriends are cheating on them, I ask why?
Why worry about things you can’t control? If that person is meant for you, they won’t do that. And if you trust them, you won’t go looking for it.
In the video I’ve shared below, Watts expands on these ideals. Watch attentively through the end, although it’s short, there are an immense number of lessons to be learned.
After you’ve watched, I want you to ask yourself, what makes a person TRULY happy? What is real wealth?
Is it that fancy sports car you’ve been obsessing over? Maybe for a temporary high.
Is it finally getting the girl of your dreams? Of course it will make you happy, but there is no guarantee that she will stay or be the right one.
Another person will never complete you, though they can be an addition to your happiness, their permanence is never guaranteed.
True happiness lies in fulfillment- and how do we achieve this? Just as the video says, we accept things as they come and go. We do not try to force what simply isn’t right. We trust in what the universe has in store for us, knowing that everlasting pleasure isn’t a real thing- and you can not know real pleasure unless you’ve known pain.
Let go of the belief that you need certain things or people, let go of the thought that you need to achieve certain moments in order to feel fulfilled. The time to feel fulfilled is here and now. Look around you and realize all that you have to grateful for. Be present, and you will begin to understand a higher and happier level of consciousness.
I have shared this story and wisdom with you all in hopes that someone out there is reading this, and is coming to the same realizations I did all those years ago.
I am a free spirit- but that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love and loyalty. However, I know there is a different way to love and live without draining yourself or another, to have things that make you happy but know at the end of the day- you’ll be happy no matter what.
This all begins when you learn how to let go of attachment. Instead of picking them up and killing them, water the flower, or flowers you love. Appreciate them, and watch them flourish. Know that they are flourishing with or without your presence, and ward off any worry about them that causes you to neglect the moments when you aren’t near them. I promise that if you do this, you will come to find yourself flourishing too.
